Featured Night Owls

Maxine LaQueene

Mon, 21 Apr 2025 19:10:24 GMT

Maxine LaQueene discussed her journey of resistance and advocacy through drag that represents survival, activism, and the fight for visibility.

Maxine LaQueene is not here to make anyone comfortable. For her, drag is more than performance—it’s resistance. It’s standing up to a world that would rather pretend trans and queer people don’t exist. “Trans people have existed for centuries,” she says bluntly. “Just because we’re out of sight doesn’t mean we’re out of mind.” In an era where drag and gender identity are under relentless attack, Maxine exposes the contradictions in the rhetoric used against her community. “You can’t police whether a child is at a drag show or not. Meanwhile, they’re doing nothing about gun reform. It’s hypocrisy.” Maxine doesn’t shy away from tough conversations, nor does she sugarcoat her expectations: if you enjoy queer art, you need to show up for the people creating it. “We are not a commodity for your entertainment.” Her message is clear: drag isn’t just art—it’s survival, it’s activism, and it’s a reminder that the fight for visibility is far from over.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Drag performer, trans community, queer community, gender identification, transsexual, drag queen, legislation, Texas Senate Bill 12, drag shows, advocacy, misinformation, political developments, affordable therapy, community leader, education.

SPEAKERS

Maxine LaQueene, Night Owl Therapy

Night Owl Therapy

I'll ask you questions, anything you're not comfortable with answering, like that's okay. We can skip over it.

Maxine LaQueene

No, I'm happy to answer everything, baby.

Night Owl Therapy

Maxine, thank you so much for meeting with me today on such short notice.

Maxine LaQueene

Of course.

Night Owl Therapy

For those who aren't aware of who you are in the community, what would you say is your role in Austin? Tell us a little bit about your background?

Maxine LaQueene

Yeah, of course. So, I would say my role in Austin, in the community, well, there's a lot of things. Honestly, I try to be somebody who does a little bit of everything. So not just a drag performer, but, you know, a fierce advocate for the trans community and the queer community, and to kind of be a bridge between different parts of our community. You know, like I said, I don't really fit into one place. At least I try not to, because I feel like that limits our representation, if we just stick to what parameters we are set to. I really try to do a little bit of everything. I try to be a community leader. I try to be an educator, especially right now, with as much misinformation and blatant attacks on not just trans people, but all minorities. It feels like we're being heavily watched and honestly attacked just for our existence. So sometimes you have to educate. So, I try to do everything you know, an educator, a performer, an advocate.

Night Owl Therapy

Speaking of education, could you let our readers know a little bit about what is the difference between a trans gender transsexual and a drag queen?

Maxine LaQueene

Oh, absolutely. So, I'm going to use scientific terminology. I'm not using terminology that our administration is trying to procure others into believing. I'm going to use the facts. When you're speaking about somebody who is transgender, the word gender that has to do with their gender identification, not the sex that they were born with. So, for someone who is transgender, that's somebody who does not identify with the gender that they were given at birth. That can be somebody who is trans feminine, you know, somebody who doesn't agree with the masculine presenting gender. So then, when you talk about transsexual that has "sex" in it, so that's based on more biological and less psychological. I always say gender is psychological. Gender has to do with how we identify ourselves in the brain. Transsexual, that's more. That's going to be more medical that's going to be more those in the trans community tend to identify as transsexual are usually older, you know, 40s and 50s, and that's because that's of sex. So, somebody who identifies as a transsexual woman is somebody who will more than likely go under, you know, the medical procedures to change the sex that they were born with, not so much the gender you know, not so much again, not so much psychological. That's more biological and more physical, and then a drag queen has nothing to do with either of those. So, drag is a self expression. It is an art form. So, a drag queen is, in my mind, this is how I define it, a drag queen is anybody who let me, let me think about how I want to word it. A drag queen is somebody who presents feminine. But what's the word here? You know, I the form exaggerates the divine feminine. The Queen role in drag is a feminine role. So, I always say, you know an entertainer who participates in the art form of drag, you know, when they present feminine and and female and Queen and royalty, very much, what I do that's feminine, that's divine feminine. That's the Goddess. You know, we have drag kings. We have drag things. We have drag entertainers. You know, people that put on drag, which is just, you know, an exaggeration of, you know, everyday human clothes, everyday mentality. It's, it's an exaggeration, it's a hyperbole. Does that make sense? That makes

Night Owl Therapy

So, would you say, then the drag, the legislation against drag is different than legislation against transgender persons?

Maxine LaQueene

Well, the problem is that legislation and lawmakers are trying to group drag with being trans, or everyone who does drag is therefore, you know, a transperson, transsexual, transvestite, whatever you want to categorize that as, and they're not. That's not, no, that's not the case. I mean, I know of plenty of drag entertainers, drag queen specifically, who identify as men outside of drag. They dress in drag. They exaggerate the feminine, right? They their art form is feminine. It is for them. You know, that's their gender expression through drag. But that doesn't make them trans. That's just, again, a form of expression.

Night Owl Therapy

What is the legislation that is causing hardship within Texas as far as drag is concerned.

Maxine LaQueene

So, the problem with legislation that we're seeing, you know, we saw two years ago, and we're seeing it again with regards to drag performers, it affects trans people even more because word, the wording, it's always the wording, it's how they write these bills. And a lot of these bills relate those who engage in drag as somebody who is engaging in an identity that does not fit the one that they were given at birth. So, the identity, the sex that matches your birth certificate, does not line up with how drag entertainers express themselves. Okay, I'm I was born male at birth, right? I don't identify as male, so the problem with legislation is that if you don't identify with the sex that you were given at birth, this law will affect you. You can be persecuted; therefore, you can be attacked, and all that negativity that comes from it doesn't just affect drag, and that's where you find a lot of overlap between the drag community and the trans community. We have to fight together because, you know, some people might not even realize these bills that target the drag community also affects trans people.

Night Owl Therapy

So, I wanted to just draw from a recent experience I had with a book club. We're reading a book called "Mad Honey" that talks a lot about trans issues. And in it, the protagonist asked a character, who is an older trans person, several questions to better understand their experience. The protagonist was met with hostility. The trans person said, "It's not my job to educate you". So, what I would ask is, what do you think of that interaction, and how would you have handled it?

Maxine LaQueene

I agree it's not my job to educate every single person in America. You can understand it is very clear the difference between somebody who is uneducated, but wants to learn, versus somebody who is ignorant and does not care to be educated. I always say ignorant can be fixed, stupidity cannot. So, when you come across somebody, and they're saying it's not my job to educate you, I agree with that sentiment, because I would lose my mind if I had to be the educator for every single person. That's not to say that as a trans community leader, if you will, I kind of take on that role, because I have the wherewithal and I have the intuition to be able to have these conversations. So, I'm happy to speak with others and educate them. But that's not every trans person. That's not everyone's existence. Everyone's not comfortable being physically and and publicly, loud and proud. Does that make sense?

Night Owl Therapy

Yes. They say once you met one trans person, you've met one trans person.

Maxine LaQueene

Exactly. So, I always tell people, you can't make sweeping accusations for an entire community based on one person's opinion.

Night Owl Therapy

So, what would you say to people, to a person who is trying to advocate for you and just doesn't know where to start?

Maxine LaQueene

Well, we have these lovely little things called cellular devices. Many smartphones that have this thing called Google. So, I always tell people before you start asking ignorant questions, or if you have a question, and you're not sure to ask because you don't know if it's disrespectful or not, I would ask Google first. It's not difficult. Like I said, we all have smartphones. You can get on your smartphone and look up how to acknowledge somebody who's trans. You can look up how to use pronouns for somebody. It begins with you. I'm not here to educate everybody, but I'm happy to do so after you've taken the initiative to begin that journey yourself, it's not a difficult thing to use social media and Google and websites to begin your own advocacy work. I've had conversations with people that have said, "I'm new to being a political advocate", or "I'm new to advocacy work... I want to show up for the trans community, but I just don't know how to." I always say, we have resources, dozens of resources, available. You know, Equality Texas, Educational Network of Texas, has resources for people to educate themselves, even at the simplest level, and that allows them the opportunity to open that door to conversations. If you say, "Well, I don't know anything," and therefore that's it. Well, then nothing's gonna happen. You're not going to learn. You know, trans community leaders and advocates aren't going to want to work with you, because you're not open to learning. Does that make sense? That makes sense. So, how have recent political developments such as President Trump's executive orders defining gender strictly as male or female, impacted your experience the past few days as a drag performer? It's kind of funny. So, after they signed this order, the White House administration put out an official document...and I find right wing conservatives, their own incompetence will be their own undoing... They go to define male sex and female sex at conception, you know, defined by the sperm or the egg cell... But right at conception, we're all female, like we're all physically female, then through development in utero is when the the ovaries will drop and become testes, but we all start as female like as a gamete in utero. And it's hilarious, because this is the whole thing about science versus opinion. If you look at science and how humans are developed and how that works, it's them shooting themselves in the foot. Does that make sense? Look into it yourself. Google it. I tell everyone. I just told my father and my mom this last night on the phone. They were like, "So are you a boy again?" No, that's not how that works, no. And just because our administration doesn't want to acknowledge trans people again doesn't mean we don't exist. Trans people have existed --for centuries. We have been repressed --for centuries. People have ignored our existence, but just because it's out of sight does not mean it is out of mind. Thank you for sharing that. In light of Texas Senate Bill 12, which aims to restrict certain drag performances, how do you foresee the future drag shows and their acceptance in Austin? It's not going to stop. They tried doing this two years ago, Senate Bill 14. They tried doing the exact same thing that they're doing now. They're trying to ban drag in Texas, where minors are present, but they've added to this one, this one, they've said you can basically...it's like bounty hunting, if you will. So should a show happen with a minor present, people will then have the right to report that and and a lawsuit would be underway, and a fine for that drag performance could be upwards of $5,000, but how do you police this? It goes against the Constitution. Yet again, you're you're taking away self expression, because that's what drag is. It is expression. It is work. We got that Bill blocked two years ago. I have no doubt in my mind this one will get blocked again, because it is still unconstitutional. You can't police whether a child is at a drag show or not. What you can do is communicate with the parent and allow them the control of whether or not their kid goes to a show. How would you say the Austin drag scene differs from others in Texas or across the country? Well, Austin is the capital of Texas, so we have to be vigilant, and we have to be on the front line. And I think drag in Austin represents that, because we are the first line of education of fighting back against tyranny and anti trans legislation. So, a lot of my friends who are drag entertainers are politically activated. They are educated on what is happening. And I find, when we show up to legislation, we show up to the capital and we show up to a rally and get our community together, Austin is the quickest to show up because we're local, because we're the capital of Texas, so we have to be the first ones to get information out for other entertainers in different parts of the state to show up as well. That's how drag should be in Austin.

Night Owl Therapy

How can you how do you address misconceptions about drag culture that might be perpetuated by political figures or media outlets?

Maxine LaQueene

You gotta take it with a grain of salt. They're they're not speaking based on fact. They are trying to perpetuate fact based on opinion. And that's not the case. That's not drag. That's not the truth that that we create, that's not the truth that we show people in our performances. Drag is an art form. Drag is self love. Drag is being able to look adversity in the face and say, "This is who I am. This is me. No matter what you say or what you do, I know my truth". And so, for me, I when I starting this year off with seeing what's gonna happen, we see the foundation being laid out for more negativity to be thrown at our community. And what I do is I get online, I post what I have to post, I educate, I inform the people around me, and then I turn it off, and I log off. I turn my notifications on all social media apps off. I only check what's happening when I'm online, and that's to protect my peace. If I just lived chronically online and saw every headline of what people are saying about queer people, about minorities, about black people, brown people, immigrants, everything. If I saw all of that, I'd lose my mind. Everybody would. This is not a healthy world that we're living in. We're living in a world, in a country that is run by people who are creating headlines for attention. If we were worried about the collective human population, instead of Trump and his inauguration, talking about the US policy will be that there is only one gender for male and one gender for female, and that's it. I'm more worried about, well, what about the fires in LA? What are you doing to stop those or to stop them from happening in the future? You know? What steps are you taking to actually care about Americans and those who've lost their lives, or immigrant families being deported even though they are documented, you know what I mean, right? It's clearly hypocrisy. It's hypocritical to watch them say we care about children in front of drag queens, but we're not doing anything about gun reform. And there have been how many shootings already this year, right? Like its hypocrisy is what we're watching. So, you have to take it with a grain of salt. We have to develop a thick skin, because all they want is for us to respond or to retaliate or to call them out on their hypocrisy, so they can say, "Oh, look at the liberals. Look at the Democrats. Look, how they're treating us. Look, they're so mean. They're treating us differently." How dare they, when in reality, they're the ones causing the problem. You can only worry about yourself. You can only worry about your circle of influence. If you worry about what's happening in the world all day every day, you're going to lose your mind, right?

Night Owl Therapy

So, what would you say to your own community about what they can do to take care of themselves?

Maxine LaQueene

Therapy. Log off.

Night Owl Therapy

We have $40 therapy here for y'all.

Maxine LaQueene

Exactly. Affordable therapy. I know plenty of resources for affordable therapy, if not free. For those who can't afford it, log off. Don't watch the headlines all day every day. You're just going to make it worse for yourself. Take time to say, I know what's happening in the world, but now I'm going to worry about myself. I'm going to protect my peace. I noticed sometimes in some of your your shows, you say "Fuck Greg Abbott". Given the divisiveness of the climate, do you feel like you might potentially be alienating potential advocates? Oh, I mean, I have different ways of getting people to speak up, and the most important thing when I tell people say "drag is not a crime, trans lives matter, black lives matter. Fuck Greg Abbott, fuck Donald Trump," all those things. The reason that I'm doing that is to see if I can physically watch my audience at a show and see those who are confident in being an advocate, not just having a good time at a show. I've had people at at my brunches on Saturday. I've had people that are having a great time, and they're, you know, boomers, they're the older generations having a great time. And then the second I say all right now everybody say, "Fuck Donald Trump". They've gotten up and left, and I've said, "Good riddance," because I don't need you at my show. You don't get the advantage of queer art if you are not going to show up to fight for that. You don't get to experience the joy of drag if you are not going to show up to fight for that community. We are not a commodity that is just here for your entertainment. So, you would ask, does it alienate anybody? If it does, that's on them. That's not on me. All I'm doing is giving people the chance to speak up for my community, and if you do, I praise you and I thank you for doing. If you're too afraid to say trans lives matter, or say fuck Donald Trump, that lets me know where that person's character is, if that makes sense., it doesn't have to be a Donald Trump. What I want the takeaway for the reasoning that I say this at my shows is that it gives people the opportunity to be an advocate themselves.

Resolutions vs. Goals: Which One Supports Your Mental Health?

Thu, 09 Jan 2025 20:44:15 GMT

Resolutions vs. Goals: Which One Supports Your Mental Health?

At the start of every year, many of us feel the pressure to make resolutions. We vow to eat healthier, exercise more, or stop bad habits. But how often do these resolutions stick? More importantly, how do they impact our mental health?

The truth is, while resolutions can be inspiring, they often lead to feelings of failure and self-criticism when they aren’t achieved. Shifting your mindset from rigid resolutions to realistic, flexible goals can create a healthier relationship with self-improvement and have a positive impact on your mental well-being. Let’s explore the differences between resolutions and goals, and why goals may be better for your mental health.

Resolutions: Why They Can Be Harmful

A resolution is often a broad, definitive statement of change, like:
- "I will quit smoking."
- "I will lose 20 pounds."
- "I will stop procrastinating."

Resolutions tend to focus on outcomes, with an all-or-nothing mindset. They’re often built on perfectionism and unrealistic expectations. When we inevitably hit roadblocks, it’s easy to feel like we’ve failed — and that failure can harm our mental health.

Goals: A Healthier Approach to Self-Improvement

Unlike resolutions, goals are flexible and actionable. They focus on progress over perfection, which makes them more supportive of mental health. Goals are broken down into smaller steps, allowing you to celebrate incremental successes rather than focus solely on a final outcome.

Key Differences Between Resolutions and Goals

Aspect

Resolutions

Goals

Mental Health Impact

Approach

Rigid, all-or-nothing

Flexible, adaptable

Supports gradual progress

Why Goals Support Mental Health

Setting goals rather than resolutions has several mental health benefits:

1. Reduces Pressure: Goals are more forgiving. If life gets busy or unexpected challenges arise, you can adjust your goals without feeling like you’ve failed.
2. Builds Confidence: Reaching smaller goals along the way boosts your self-esteem and gives you a sense of accomplishment.
3. Encourages Progress, Not Perfection: Goals focus on consistent effort rather than a perfect outcome, which promotes a healthier mindset.
4. Allows for Self-Compassion: When you set flexible goals, you give yourself room to make mistakes and learn from them, which fosters self-compassion.

How to Set Mental Health-Friendly Goals

Here’s how to set goals that support your mental health:

1. Use the SMART Method
- Specific
- Measurable
- Achievable
- Relevant
- Time-bound

 Final Thoughts: Choose Goals for Lasting Change

Resolutions may sound good in theory, but they often set us up for disappointment. Instead, choose goals that are actionable, flexible, and focused on progress. Goals support your mental health by reducing pressure, building confidence, and allowing for self-compassion.

Remember, meaningful change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey of small steps, self-reflection, and personal growth. Choose progress over perfection, and prioritize your mental well-being every step of the way.

DragonWolf

Mon, 23 Dec 2024 01:30:16 GMT

Ilia, also known as DragonWolf, discussed his journey from a breakdancer to a founder of DragonWolf Productions and co-founder of Astra Circus.

He highlighted his experience as a resident aerialist at the Domain and his motivation to create multi-dimensional events that empower artists. DragonWolf Productions now involves over 400 artists globally, with plans to produce 52 unique events in 2025. Ilia emphasized the importance of harnessing chaos and creating a safe environment for artists. He also shared his personal experiences with vulnerability and the balance between therapy and high-energy events. Upcoming events include Art Explosion 2.0 on January 4th and a special event in March 2025.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

Dragon Wolf, Astra circus, aerialist, multi-dimensional events, artist empowerment, chaotic energy, emotional vulnerability, magnetic intensity, safe environment, personal challenges, mental health, therapy importance, upcoming events, Valentine's rave, Love Letter to Austin

SPEAKERS

Dragon Wolf, Night Owl Therapy

Night Owl Therapy

Ilia, thank you for meeting with us today. Will you tell us a little bit about your background as an artist?

DragonWolf

My name is Ilia, and my artist name is DragonWolf, and I'm the founder of Dragonwolf Productions and the co-founder of Astra Circus. I started my artist journey, basically as a performer myself, and kind of started with being a break dancer when I was a teenager, and as I went through high school and college, I transitioned more to playing, competing in obstacle races and things that were very physically challenging and almost aerial-like, and while I was doing that, I kind of started getting reintroduced back into the performance world after college, and started combining my experience in dancing and in obstacles… Basically, which makes for a very good combination that an aerialist would need, which is grace, flexibility, and strength, and also wanting to do things up in the air. That led to a pretty exciting journey where I was involved in many, many productions, shows, concerts, and events. I've been a resident aerialist at the domain for six years now, and altogether, just got to know a lot of different productions, a lot of different genres of music, and the demographics that go with different art styles and interests. One of the things that I noticed while I was doing this was a lot of the times artists were pretty limited in how they could express themselves, or the space they were given. A lot of the times, really large productions along the producer's venues, they don't really want to invest a lot in the artists, because they want to make their money. They don't want to take a lot of risks. They don't really want to deviate from the status quo. So, for them, it's very basic. Get some music playing, get people drinking. If there's some art that's just some extra bonus points. They don't really invest all that much into it, except some very specific visionary producers. Now that really motivated me to get into producing events myself. That is where I started, kind of creating events that were very multi dimensional. They had full circus shows and full music shows, art installations, vendors, all of that, and it's led to a very amazing movement that's becoming more global at this point, where we are producing events that really are giving a lot of the power to the artists and a lot of the aerialist, contortionists, painters, art installation creators, dancers…just artists of all different types are welcome to use the platform that I've been creating to bring their visions to life, which is why I always said when I started doing this, that my mission was to create a world where anything was possible, and now we are involved with more than 400 artists globally… And going into 2025 DragonBall Productions is producing 12 original large-scale events, one every month, with the plan of hitting 52 unique events per year in the next three years.

Night Owl Therapy

That is incredible. I want to talk to you more about your profile. Your profile has a lot of confidence and chaos. How much of that energy is curated and how much of it is just walking through life unapologetically you?

DragonWolf

I always say that my favorite thing is to harness chaos. So, I would say that one of my strengths is looking at very chaotic energy. Imagine walking into a room and meeting 100 people just taking a quick look in the room, and you see a contortionist, you see an aerialist, you see a painter, you see a musician, you see someone who is really good with sound engineering, light engineering. Just take one look and quickly imagine how that could come together to create a world. So, one of my most popular event series right now, art explosion, is very much exactly that, where I called it “art explosion,” because it's a platform where these artists, right, I have 80 artists in Art Explosion, 2.0 on January 4th, of all these different types that will come together to create this one play land world, basically, as I like to call it, that the audience can come into and just experience such a variety of art. So, in a way, I would say my strength is planning chaos.

So, I would definitely say the plan, the curated part, is to empower every type of art… But it is true, I do not sit there and decide let's make these color schemes, or make it all be about just one type of art, and because of that, my profile, yes, definitely looks quite chaotic. So, if you scroll down, you're likely to find many different types of art, many different things.

Night Owl Therapy

What do you feel is the most vulnerable thing you have ever shared, and how do people respond?

DragonWolf

I think the really vulnerable part of doing what I do is we, as artists, we expose very intimate parts of ourselves, physically, emotionally, creatively with the world. So, in a lot of ways, when, let's say, I put on an event, and that event is now seen by a million people around the world. A lot of the contents are shared in different countries. So, when I look at my profile right now, only about a fraction are from the US, only every small fraction are from Austin, and that's just my profile, knowing when we make something, and now it's shared by 100 artists, and those and then that shared again, over, and over, and over. Oftentimes I find myself in conversation in places like recently, I went to a different city where I haven't been for years, and I was running into people who knew so much about me, which was wonderful, but at the same time, it really showed that I have a relationship with these people who see my work, who support my work, or have even opinions about my work that I have never met, that I don't know. That is a very vulnerable thing, and I would say on an emotional level, that can be very confusing a lot of the times.

Night Owl Therapy

Well, your vibe screams, don't mess with me, but also come closer. So how do you use that magnetic intensity to connect or protect yourself from other people?

DragonWolf

That is a very interesting question, because that's something that I was even talking to someone else about earlier today. The scene is not a nice place. That itself was the reason I got into producing. I wanted to create a world where artists are taken care of. They are respected. I have seen, I have seen types of sabotage. I've seen types of behaviors in the scene from those top producers with billions of dollars to producers that are super small time. I have seen things that are near criminal. Well, they are not near criminal. They are criminals. I have seen sexual abuse. I have seen financial abuse. I have seen reputation abuse. This is out there, and it is very tricky, because it is true, I wanted to create a safe environment for everyone to thrive in, for artists to be respected in. And I know a lot of people saw that and they applauded it. They supported it. If there was no support, it would have failed. I have not been around all that long, but in this very short time, we were able to quickly gain a global traction that surpassed some producers that have been around for decades. I know that did not sit well with some people, and some of these people, like I mentioned, they are not good people. Everyone is welcome to collaborate, to co-support, to be in this magical world that we are creating with us, and we support them as well, but at the same time, I do have to keep that edge. Peace is the only thing welcome here. Okay, well,

Night Owl Therapy

Let’s talk about Dragonwolf energy. which one comes out when things get messy in your personal life, and how do you tame the beast?

DragonWolf

I would say the really interesting thing is, and this happens almost on the daily, is people meet me in real life, and they're like, “You're nothing like what I imagine you'd be like.” They tell they tell me I'm really gentle. They tell me that I am not at all aggressive. So, I definitely think that there is something. One time I asked this person, and I was performing a different city, and this group basically started talking to me, and after just a couple of minutes, they were like, “You're nothing like what we imagined.” And I was like, “What do you mean?” And they said, “You know, you have created so much, and you're just this long hair, you know, flying around the air, the strong guy. We did not think you'd be gentle and sweet,” and I think in my personal life, that is my energy. I'm very gentle, as you'd expect with like your gentle artist, right? So, to some extent, the Dragonwolf energy is not interpersonal energy, but rather, even when I talk about rising against challenges and whatnot, I'm really referring to challenges, not challenges that come up with people. So, to me, every relationship must be a gentle experience. It must be about supporting one another, uplifting one another, and the concept of Dragonwolf really was about the challenges we face in life on the path to self-actualization. And within Dragonwolf, the wolf is the representation of the love for people.

Night Owl Therapy

Okay, your page feels like a mix of therapy and a wild night out. So how do you how do you reconcile those extremes in your own mental health journey?

DragonWolf

I will say there are two ways to finding peace. One is to seek out peace straight up, and the other one is to burn out chaos, right? So, it's like, once you burn out your adrenaline, you feel at peace, for example. So, when it comes to anxiety, for example, the adrenaline surge that causes anxiety to happen? Well, one prevents your adrenaline from surging by. You know, doing things like meditation, positive self talk, but also by just doing something crazy. I think that we could find peace in both directions, and when we use both of them, that balance does actually make me feel pretty centered. So, I think that the wild night out is very nice, if then you could go home. You know, it's only when that night out never ends is that we lose our balance of stable life at home and intentional time out. I think when I find myself leaning too much in either direction is when I find myself challenged more by the emotions of it all, and the emotions can get very challenging to navigate, because imagine you make a super big event, like there are cameras in your face all night, then you go home, and now all of this content is coming out. You have hundreds of people messaging you, and for the next few days, it's like you just have that rush, and then comes the fact that you did all of that, but now you're at home, none of that surrounds you. You're in a different energy. So a very big challenge, I would say, is going back and forth between the really high, extroverted, in the moment, dealing with the challenges, engaging the situation, delivering the art, going from that to just quietly at home. That is the challenge I've seen a lot of people face, but over time, it gets smoothed out. I think when I just started being in the entertainment scene, I was affected more, whereas now I could go perform in front of a couple of 1000 people, as if I'm just performing in my living room and then just come home afterward and be with my family.

Night Owl Therapy

What would you say to someone who is reluctant to see to receive therapy?

DragonWolf

I think therapy is extremely important. I have found a lot of value in speaking with a therapist, even when I feel completely fine. It is a neutral party that you get to talk to. You know, it is like reviewing your thoughts, reviewing your actions, with a professional. And I personally, sometimes have gone into therapy thinking, “Oh, my God, I have nothing to talk about today. I feel completely fine. Nothing special has happened to talk about.” And there's been times that I asked my therapist to meet me off schedule like, “Hey, I have something crazy that just happened, and I need your thoughts,” or “I need to talk to someone that's a neutral party.” I would say, seeking therapy is like seeking anything else. It's like it's like drinking orange juice. When you're healthy, you know, like going to the gym, except for your mind. That's actually the best way I would think about it, and that's when you're healthy, when you have something bothering you, when you find yourself stuck in a loop, sometimes a professional is able to help you break out of the cycle that you're stuck in.

Night Owl Therapy

Well, thank you so much for sharing. Is there anything that we can plug in on our website or on our Instagram page? Any upcoming shows you have?

DragonWolf

Oh, absolutely. My next big event is January 4th, Art Explosion Party. 2.0 for Valentine's Day. I have two types of events planned on Valentine's Day, which is a show, a circus show that has two showings. This is a sit-down circus experience, and then a Valentine's rave that night. And all the three events I just mentioned come with free beverages and free snacks. That's one of the things that I'm trying to have at my events is just get your ticket, come in, and just enjoy. For April 27th, I have my Love Letter to Austin event, which is also Ior’s Birthday after party. For March, I have a very special treat planned, and that may be the biggest event I've ever done, but it's unannounced because it's still in the planning stages. But 2025 overall, is going to be very exciting. I have my own exclusive large space now that will only host DragonWorld events, so hopefully we'll be able to give you guys even more creative art than ever before. We have 12 unique events coming in 2025 and 52 in 2026.

Ten Mental Health-Inspired Tips for Surviving Thanksgiving Dinner After the Presidential Election

Fri, 22 Nov 2024 17:01:33 GMT

Thanksgiving dinner is already a melting pot of personalities, quirks, and overcooked stuffing. Add the tension of a recent presidential election, and it’s a recipe for stress. Instead of bracing yourself for battle, try using these mental health-inspired tips to keep your cool, set boundaries, and actually enjoy the holiday. Because nothing says gratitude like protecting your peace.

1. Start with Mindful Breathing

Before stepping into the dining room, take five deep breaths. Inhale peace, exhale dread. Bonus: If Uncle Bob starts a filibuster about voter fraud, this technique works great mid-meal too. Just stare thoughtfully at your mashed potatoes while you regulate your nervous system.

2. Set Intentions, Not Traps

Before the big day, decide what you want out of Thanksgiving. Connection? Laughter? Just the sweet potato casserole? Setting a clear intention will help you steer conversations (and your own emotions) toward what truly matters. “Winning” an argument about the economy? Not on the list.

3. Create a Gratitude Anchor

Pick something you’re genuinely thankful for and hold onto it like a life raft. When the debates start, silently remind yourself of that anchor. Whether it’s your health, your pet, or the sheer existence of pecan pie, this mental exercise can keep you grounded.

4. Practice the “Yes, And” Technique

Borrow this gem from improv comedy: agree without escalating. Example:
Uncle: “The country is doomed!”
You: “Yes, and I’m thankful we still have pie.”
This defuses tension and redirects the focus without denying someone’s feelings. It's conversational aikido.

5. Use the Five Senses Grounding Exercise

When things get heated, ground yourself with this mental health staple:
- Name five things you can see (preferably not clenched fists).
- Four you can touch (like that soft dinner roll).
- Three you can hear (maybe some soft jazz).
- Two you can smell (turkey, anyone?).
- One you can taste (cranberry sauce is great for this).
It’s hard to yell about politics when you’re hyper-focused on sensory input.

 6. Create Emotional Boundaries

It’s okay to disengage. Seriously. When Aunt Marge declares she’s writing in Bigfoot in the next election, you don’t have to counter with a dissertation. Instead, try: “That’s interesting. I need to check on the rolls.” Boundaries are acts of self-care.

7. Tap Into Humor as a Coping Mechanism

Laughter is the best de-escalation tool. When Grandpa accuses millennials of ruining the world, reply with, “We’re just trying to keep avocados affordable.” Use humor to diffuse tension and keep the conversation lighthearted—without dismissing anyone’s perspective.

8. Try Progressive Muscle Relaxation (Discreetly!)

Feeling your shoulders creep toward your ears during the third debate about taxes? Tense and relax different muscle groups under the table. Start with your toes, work up to your jaw, and release all that stress. No one has to know you’re doing self-care between bites of green bean casserole.

9. Offer Distraction Therapy

Sometimes the best way to manage a situation is to steer it somewhere else. Suggest playing a game, sharing funny family stories, or debating the *real* hard-hitting question: Is pumpkin pie superior to pecan? (Spoiler: it’s not).

10. Embrace Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance is the practice of acknowledging reality without resistance. Yes, your cousin will probably bring up conspiracy theories. Yes, the turkey might be dry. Accept it. Fighting reality only increases suffering. Once you let go, you can focus on what’s truly important: the wine.

This year, approach Thanksgiving with a toolkit of mental health techniques and a hearty dose of humor. You might not change anyone’s mind, but you’ll protect your own peace—and that’s something to be truly thankful for.

Logotherapy: Finding Purpose as a Meaningful Drive for Substance Use Recovery

Wed, 18 Sep 2024 20:08:38 GMT

Logotherapy: Finding Purpose as a Meaningful Drive for Substance Use Recovery

Imagine you're lost in the vast desert of life, with a hangover that feels like you drank cactus juice at a rave last night (you didn't, but it feels like you did). The world is hot, unforgiving, and every step feels harder than the last. In the middle of this existential desert, you see something shimmering in the distance. Is it an oasis? No. It's purpose. And not just any purpose—your purpose, the one that could guide you out of the desert of substance use and straight into the cool, refreshing waters of meaning. Welcome to Logotherapy.

What Is Logotherapy? (And Why Should You Care?)

Now, before you start picturing therapists in togas or some cryptic combination of 'logos' and 'therapy,' let’s clear the air. Logotherapy, created by Austrian psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, is a school of psychotherapy based on the idea that the primary motivational force in humans is the search for meaning in life. Yep, according to Frankl, the key to unlocking all that human potential isn't found in how many hours of sleep you get, or whether you have a seven-step skincare routine. It’s about meaning, baby.

So how does this apply to recovery? Picture this: instead of treating addiction as something to run from—you know, like a bad ex—you’re encouraged to run toward something meaningful. And let’s face it: there’s no shortage of things worth running toward (unless you’re in Austin on a hot summer day, then maybe jog toward the nearest air-conditioned bar).

A Purpose-Driven Life (Now With 50% Less Existential Angst!)

Frankl believed that even in the direst of circumstances, we can find meaning. His own experience as a Holocaust survivor deeply shaped this belief, which, let's be honest, gives his whole philosophy a lot of street cred. In logotherapy, the idea is that when you focus on what truly gives your life meaning, you’re much less likely to fill that emptiness with destructive habits—whether that's bingeing Netflix or substances.

For someone in recovery, this might mean asking the big, slightly scary questions like:

What really matters to me?

What do I want to contribute to the world?

How can I use my struggles to help others?

It turns out, you don’t need to be Aristotle to ponder these questions. And no, you don’t need a cape or superpowers to have a sense of purpose (although capes are generally underrated). Finding your purpose can be as simple as wanting to be a good parent, wanting to start a new career, or even wanting to walk your dog daily without accidentally knocking over that yoga lady in the park. It’s the pursuit of meaning that counts, not the Instagram-filtered end result.

Honoring Multiple Pathways to Recovery

Recovery is a deeply personal journey, and it's important to acknowledge that there are many valid ways to pursue it. Whether someone chooses abstinence, harm reduction, medication-assisted treatment, or other community-based supports, what matters most is that the path chosen feels right and sustainable for the individual. Purpose is one of the four pillars of recovery, alongside home, health, and community, and each pillar can be pursued in ways that resonate uniquely with each person.

Logotherapy emphasizes purpose, but it doesn’t mean it’s the only way or that it stands alone. Recovery can be about finding what brings you joy and fulfillment, whatever that looks like. For some, it may mean focusing on health or creating a supportive home environment. For others, it might mean building connections in their community. All these paths are valid and worthy of respect.

Frankl Meets Your Friday Night: How Logotherapy Can Make Recovery Less... Boring

Let’s be honest: when you think about recovery, 'fun' and 'lighthearted' aren’t exactly the first words that come to mind. It’s easy to think recovery means trading your wild nightlife for sipping herbal tea and getting really into jigsaw puzzles. (Spoiler: it doesn’t have to!) But logotherapy isn't about making you choose between 'fun life' and 'responsible life.' It’s about integrating a life filled with joy and purpose, however you define it.

Here’s how logotherapy can make your Friday nights—heck, your whole life—more meaningful:

Redefine what fun means. Fun doesn’t have to be mind-numbing or destructive. It can be engaging and nourishing. Finding a new hobby, exploring creative outlets, or just learning to laugh again without the help of external substances can be deeply satisfying.

Rewrite your narrative. One of the key ideas in logotherapy is that we have the ability to choose how we respond to life’s challenges. Imagine how empowering it would feel to look at your journey, not as a series of mistakes, but as a story of resilience and growth. And hey, every great story needs a redemption arc.

Share your wisdom. Part of living a purposeful life is helping others. Whether it’s sharing your experiences with others on the same path or getting involved in local initiatives, giving back can provide a profound sense of meaning. Plus, who doesn’t want to be the wise sage of their friend group?

When Meaning Is Better Than the Buzz

Addiction can be like a bad dance partner: it leads, you follow, and eventually, you're spinning in circles with no idea how to get off the dance floor. Logotherapy encourages you to change the music and find your own rhythm. When life has meaning, every step forward is intentional and fulfilling, rather than driven by fleeting highs.

In essence, logotherapy isn't about denying yourself or putting on a straight-laced facade. It’s about discovering what makes you feel truly alive, what excites you, and what makes all the hard stuff worthwhile. But remember, this is just one approach among many, and your journey might involve different elements along the way.

So, the next time life feels like it's spiraling and you're tempted to reach for something to numb the pain, ask yourself instead: what’s my purpose in this moment? Sure, it might not fix everything immediately, but finding meaning in even the smallest things—like petting a dog, watching a sunset, or cracking a joke—can be a powerful reminder that you're worth so much more than a temporary high.

And who knows? Maybe your purpose is to be the first person in Austin to open a late-night café dedicated to existential musings. After all, why should only the morning people get to discuss the meaning of life over coffee?

Now, go forth, dear reader, and chase your meaning, whatever that looks like for you. Just remember, the best oasis is the one you create yourself.

WILEY ROSS

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 23:20:23 GMT

Meet Austin Monthly’s “Visual Artist of the Year”, and our August Featured Night Owl, Wiley Ross!

Born in Springfield, Missouri, Wiley was that quiet kid who doodled on his mathwork and actually liked it. ��✨ He ditched his basketball scholarship for guitar, moved to Austin, and discovered two things: 1) Austin's musicians are way better than he is, and 2) vans make great homes. �� Founding the band Street Light Suzy with Gilby Clark from Guns N’ Roses, Wiley traded his guitar for a paintbrush to focus on being a super dad (parenting win!). Through cold calls, blanks walls, and a sprinkle of spite, he turned his art into a booming career. His story? Proof that skipping class to play guitar and take mushrooms can sometimes pay off. ��‍♂️��

Wiley kindly shared his story to help remove stigma from asking for help, and spread awareness of our services, including free community nights and $40 therapy sessions to nightlife industry workers.

Tell us a little bit about your background as an artist.

I was in Springfield, Missouri. A strange child. I was very quiet. Art and music always made sense to me. I went to college on basketball on art scholarships. I started skipping class to take mushrooms and teach myself guitar. I enjoyed that much more than waking at 5am and running. After two years, I just dropped out and moved home. Saved up money and bought a van. I moved to Austin, Texas because it was closer than Seattle or California. I had never been to Texas, let alone Austin. I found quickly that not only was Austin full of musicians, but they were good musicians, and better than me. So, I started a band called Street Light Suzy. We toured around. Our second album was recorded by Gilby Clark from Guns N’ Roses, but then I had my kid. I had to pick between art and music because I needed to devote 100% of my time to either one or the other, so I picked art, so I could stay home, not be on the road, and be with my kid. I was a much bigger fish in a much smaller pond. One thing led to another. Originally, I would just drive around town, and look for a big wall with nothing on it, find out who the land lord was, and I would get their email, and contact ten a day. I’d get maybe five responses, and maybe land one. I just continuously hustled. I eventually got to where I didn’t have to seek out the gigs anymore. They would come to me. Then, I met Karma. We partnered on projects; started a band.

Boundaries show up in all areas of life. How does it show up in your area of life working as an artist.

My pet peeves are whenever I am working on something, and it’s not done yet, and someone asks me if it’s done. Sometimes, people give their critiques or opinions when I haven’t asked. It’s like me going to a doctor and they are telling me about my body, and I disagree with them when that’s not what I do for a living. Those are boundaries. Whenever someone wants me to do a portrait of them, and they ask me to change something, like their nose—they may ask me to make their nose smaller. I don’t want to do that, because then it’s not going to look like them, and if their friend sees it, and says “That doesn’t look like you,” you’re not going to say “Oh, I told the artist to change my nose.” It will just look like I didn’t do my job. As far as other boundaries, collectors sometimes don’t know what they want. It’s like looking for a light switch in a dark room. Really, as long as the client’s happy, that is all that matters. It is one thing when you are doing commissions, it’s another thing when it’s your art. They either like it or they don’t. When you do commission, you’re under someone’s thumb.

Another thing, I don’t like it when people just show up to my house, like unannounced.

What other obstacles have you experienced?

In art, especially music, people look for numbers. People can pay to play. That’s why the scene on the sunset strip got ruined. It used to be you needed so many tickets to sell to play, but now, your parents can buy them all, and no one is at your show, but a shitty band can play. Cream doesn’t rise to the top. I found that to be the case where it is just about money and numbers. It has nothing to do with the art. Also, it’s like politics. With the muralists, that crowd... I never felt like I fit in ever. I had multiple tribes, but never a tribe of my own. I never fit in with the art scene down here because I didn’t identify with those cats. We got along fine, but I always felt like an outsider. I always felt on the fringe, whether it was music or art.

Speaking on that, let’s talk social stigma. Do you feel like you are treated differently for working as an artist?

Oh, yes. That actually is favorable to me. My house. My lifestyle. Before Karma, girls would come over, sometimes guys, and if I was anything, but an artist, [my lifestyle] would be unacceptable. If I was an accountant, people would say “This guy needs to get his shit together,” but because I am an artist, they are like “Oh, that’s why there are car parts in the yard…that’s why there is a sculpture made out of trash essentially.” They are much more forgiving [if I am an artist]. A lot of people say they’re artists, but I didn’t choose to be an artist. For me, creating is a compulsion. I have to do it. Half the time, I don’t even think I enjoy it, but I have to do it. It doesn’t matter what medium it is, I have to constantly create because I can’t turn my mind off. Other poeple, when they say they’re an artist, they have a choice. They’re more of a hobbyist. Sometimes, if I’m in a bad mood, I can be offended by that.

How do you show up for yourself in hard times?

Whenever I dated this girl in college, I told her I wanted to move out and pursue music and art. She looked at me and laughed. She said “Wiley, you’re not that good.” She was right. I wasn’t that good—at the time. That lit a fire underneath my ass. The best pep talks I can be given are people not believing in me. My mother didn’t believe I could play piano, I learned to play. I learned how to play out of spite. I’ve accomplished more out of spite than anything else. It is a very petty and immature emotion, but it can be incredibly useful. The way I show up for myself is by feeling if someone doesn’t believe in me, I will make them believe. This drives me. Sometimes I fake it until I make it. If I am doing a job that I fucking despise, I’ll lie to myself, and will be like “This is great. I wouldn’t want to paint anything else. This is awesome.” I’ll keep doing that, and eventually I will start to believe myself, and get into what I am doing. That, and of course, pharmaceuticals here and there can help, too.

In every situation there is an unspoken etiquette. A way that you would like to be treated. What would you like readers to know as far as how to treat artists?

I would say common courtesy. Take them seriously. For me, normal human respect is sufficient. Everybody’s shit stinks. You can polish a turd, but it’s still a piece of shit. I would treat an artist the same way I would treat a favor driver, or an executive. It doesn’t matter. I treat them the same, because they are all people. If people were just nicer, it would alleviate so much of the world’s problems. It costs nothing at all to change somebody’s day for the better. A kind word can hold someone off for one more day. It also costs nothing to ruin someone’s day. I feel fulfilled when I do art. I never feel fulfilled if I am not having a positive impact on someone’s life.

What is a valuable lesson you’ve learned working as an artist?

I would say never give up. I know that’s cliche, but it is true. Thomas Edison failed a thousand times making the light bulb. I hate that fucker for what he did to Tesla, but anyway, when a reporter asked about his failure, he said “I didn’t fail 1000 times. The light bulb was an invention with a 1000 steps.” It’s really a matter perspective. You’re going to get down on yourself, but never throw in the towel. Do it one more time, and see what happens, and eventually it will happen. I think the reason a lot of people don’t achieve their dream is that weren’t willing to pay what it was worth in the long run. I have “No Free Lunches” tattooed on my stomach. It’s true. Anything that’s worth a shit, the value is dictated on the sacrifice and price you pay for it. If you work your ass to get a car, it’s worth more than if someone gave you that car. I can’t think of anything more expensive than achieving your dream. It’s about consistency. The number one regret is not living for yourself. I would much rather fail than wonder what could have been. That’s why we love underdog stories. No one will believe in you if you don’t believe in yourself. That is lesson I’ve learned.

What would you say to someone who is reluctant to receive therapy?

First, I would ask them why. I would ask if it is just the label. I’d point out that just us talking about it is therapy itself. I would point out talking to a bartender is therapy. I would try to help them look at it in a different perspective, to think about where their problems are coming from. I would ask them if they think talking about their feelings is emasculating. I think a lot of people just have vulnerability or trust issues. I think it’s human nature to move away from pain, and toward pleasure… like the “No Free Lunches” thing. The price you’re going to pay for getting better is that you have to address those traumas and those aspects of your personality. Through doing that, the reward you get, is that you get better. Really, though I don’t think there’s a quick fix. I would have quite the ego if I thought I had the words to change someone’s mind on that.

Is there anything else you’d like to add before wrapping up?

I think talking when you’re not fighting. Communication is key. It’s the most important thing in human nature. A key component to a well-rounded person is being able to express yourself. It’s the valve that lets off the steam. It’s paramount to be able to do that. When you ask “How can I help?” you help yourself. I think that “acts of service” is where you can really help yourself. Doing kind things for people makes you feel good about yourself. The negative is just as contagious as the positive. I think the more positive we have, the brighter the sun will shine.

Supporting Loved Ones with Suicidal Thoughts

Tue, 13 Aug 2024 22:56:52 GMT

Supporting Loves Ones with Suicidal Thoughts

How to Show Support for Loved Ones Who Tell You They Are Suicidal

Night Owl Therapy was inspired by friends in the nightlife industry, and founded in memory of those we've lost. It has been a little over four years since my dear friend Kendall Dewall, a bartender, lost her life to suicide.

With suicide rates rising, why aren't we talking about it more? In 2023, over 50,000 Americans died by suicide, the highest number on record, according to NBC News.

This article aims to start the conversation about how to support loved ones who express suicidal thoughts, in hopes to educate and empower our community to feel better equipped to help.

Understanding the Gravity of Suicidal Thoughts

When a loved one tells you they are feeling suicidal, it can be an overwhelming and frightening experience. However, your reaction and support can make a significant difference. It’s crucial to take these feelings seriously and understand that expressing suicidal thoughts is often a cry for help, not attention-seeking behavior.

Listen Without Judgment

The first and most important step is to listen. Allow your loved one to express their feelings without interrupting or offering immediate solutions. Listening with empathy and without judgment helps them feel heard and understood. Phrases like 'I’m here for you' and 'I care about you' can provide comfort and validation.

Show Compassion and Empathy

Respond with compassion. Acknowledge their pain and reassure them that they are not alone. Avoid saying things like 'You shouldn’t feel this way' or 'Just think positive thoughts,' as these can be dismissive and hurtful. Instead, say, 'I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. How can I support you right now?'

Ask Direct Questions

It might feel uncomfortable, but asking direct questions about their suicidal thoughts can be crucial. Questions like 'Are you thinking about ending your life?' or 'Do you have a plan?' can provide insight into the severity of their situation. This shows that you are taking their feelings seriously and are willing to discuss the difficult topic openly.

Encourage Professional Help

While your support is invaluable, professional help is often necessary. Encourage your loved one to seek help from a mental health professional. Offer to help them find a therapist or counselor and go with them to their first appointment if they are comfortable with that. Organizations like Night Owl Therapy provide resources and support specifically for those in high-stress industries like nightlife.

Stay Connected

Maintaining regular contact is vital. Check in with your loved one frequently, even if it’s just a quick text or call. Consistent communication helps them feel supported and less isolated. Let them know you are always available to talk or spend time together.

Remove Potential Means

If your loved one has mentioned a specific plan to end their life, removing or securing potential means can be a critical step. This might involve taking away firearms, medications, or other items they have mentioned. However, do this in a way that does not make them feel further isolated or distrusted.

Encourage Self-Care

Self-care can play a significant role in mental health. Encourage your loved one to engage in activities they enjoy and find relaxing, whether it’s a hobby, exercise, or spending time in nature. Sometimes, small steps towards self-care can make a big difference in their overall well-being.

Support Groups

Suggesting support groups can also be beneficial. Being around others who understand their struggles can provide a sense of community and reduce feelings of isolation. Night Owl Therapy and other organizations offer support groups for various needs, ensuring there’s a place where your loved one can feel understood and supported.

Be Patient

Recovery and improvement in mental health take time. Be patient with your loved one and understand that there will be good days and bad days. Your consistent support and understanding can be a steady source of strength for them.

Take Care of Yourself

Supporting a loved one with suicidal thoughts can be emotionally draining. It’s essential to take care of your own mental health too. Seek support from friends, family, or a counselor for yourself. Remember, you need to be well to provide the best support for others.

Conclusion

Supporting a loved one who expresses suicidal thoughts is challenging but incredibly important. By listening without judgment, showing compassion, asking direct questions, encouraging professional help, staying connected, removing potential means, encouraging self-care, suggesting support groups, being patient, and taking care of yourself, you can make a profound impact on their life. Let's start the conversation and be there for those who need us the most, honoring the memory of those we’ve lost by working to save lives.

DIAMOND DIOR DAVENPORT

Thu, 11 Jul 2024 22:35:24 GMT

WE'RE EXCITED TO FEATURE DIAMOND DIOR DAVENPORT AS OUR FEATURED NIGHT OWL FOR JULY

Tell us about your role/involvement in the arts and nightlife entertainment.

I’m a show director and drag entertainer at multiple bars in Austin Texas.

Boundaries show up in all areas of life. How does boundary-setting show up in your professional life (setting boundaries with patrons, club owners, coworkers, friends who come to shows, etc)?

When it comes to boundaries, I’ve had to set them with patrons, club owners and coworkers. You have to let them know what you are and aren’t comfortable with and what you will allow at shows. My friends usually don’t cross boundaries at shows because they know proper show etiquette.

Everyone experiences obstacles in life. Have you experienced any social stigma or prejudice as a nightlife artist? If so, please share your experience and how you cope with it. If not, skip this question.

Absolutely! As a black entertainer we experience social stigma all the time! Most show directors won’t put black artist on shows unless they need us as the token black artist or to create a little diversity on their cast. I deal with this by creating safe spaces for the poc community to perform and feel like a priority.

Tell us about the roadblocks you’ve encountered as a nightlife entertainer and how you managed it.

Roadblocks don’t come as often because I believe if there isn’t a seat at the table, build your own! So no one can tell you no.

What role has therapy and/or self-care played in your life?

Therapy has helped me place things into perspective and think about things clearly before reacting right away.

Is there anything you would like your audience to know as far as etiquette before/during/after a performance (on tipping, heckling, talking, etc)? If so, please share. If not, skip this question.

The patrons should ask before touching us, do not walk across the stage during a performance, just because you tip us doesn’t mean you can do what you want to us.

What is a valuable lesson you have learned in your industry?

A valuable lesson I’ve learned in this industry is to not take opportunities for granted. And to take care of your body.

We have a healthy respect for those who identify themselves as sex workers and those who identify as nightlife entertainers. However, some nightlife entertainers identify as both because they consider drag/burlesque/exotic performance to be sex work. Do you consider drag/burlesque/exotic performance in the same category of sex work? Why or why not?

I do not consider drag sex work because I’m not having sex with the patrons for money! I’m performing on stage in front of a crowd not and individual.

Rainbow Washing vs. Rainbow Wiping: Maintaining Pride When It’s Not Cool

Thu, 27 Jun 2024 14:53:25 GMT

Every June, our social media feeds and shopping malls explode with more rainbows than a unicorn's wardrobe. Companies large and small suddenly become the best allies the LGBTQ+ community never knew they had, plastering rainbows on everything from socks to cereal boxes. But while these colorful displays can be heartening, they often come with a side of skepticism. Is this genuine support, or just a marketing ploy? This year, however, the bigger issue isn’t just rainbow washing—many companies are taking a pass on Pride altogether due to backlash and fear of controversy. As the fervor of Pride Month fades, maintaining pride and advocating for genuine inclusivity becomes crucial, especially when it’s not the popular thing to do.

The New Trend: Skipping Pride

In 2024, some major companies have decided to significantly scale back or even eliminate their Pride Month celebrations due to backlash from conservative groups. For example, Target faced severe criticism and threats over its Pride merchandise last year, leading the retailer to scale back its offerings this year. Target announced that its 2024 Pride Month collection would only be available in select stores and online, based on historical sales performance and regional acceptance.

The Impact of Abandoning Pride

When companies decide to skip Pride, it sends a troubling message: that supporting LGBTQ+ rights is conditional and can be discarded when it's inconvenient. This not only undermines the progress made in visibility and acceptance but also emboldens those who oppose LGBTQ+ rights. The Human Rights Campaign criticized Target's decision, stating that it alienates LGBTQ+ individuals and allies at the risk of not only their bottom line but also their values.

Maintaining Pride Beyond June

For LGBTQ+ individuals and allies, maintaining pride and advocating for inclusivity throughout the year involves several key actions (besides hoarding all the rainbow merchandise for yourself):

1. **Support Authentic Brands:** Patronize companies that demonstrate consistent support for LGBTQ+ rights through their policies, advocacy, and charitable contributions. Look for those that have a track record of supporting the community beyond just June. Bonus points if their CEO has ever attended a drag brunch.

2. **Promote Inclusive Policies:** Advocate for workplaces and organizations to adopt inclusive policies that protect LGBTQ+ employees. This includes comprehensive anti-discrimination policies, inclusive healthcare benefits, and support for gender transition. Think of it as upgrading your workplace from "meh" to "fabulous."

3. **Educate and Raise Awareness:** Use platforms and opportunities to educate others about LGBTQ+ issues. Share stories, resources, and information that highlight the ongoing struggles and achievements of the community. And if you can do it with memes, even better.

4. **Participate in Advocacy:** Engage with and support LGBTQ+ advocacy groups that work year-round to advance rights and protections. Volunteering time, donating money, or amplifying their messages can make a significant impact. Plus, you might get to wear some really cool T-shirts.

5. **Celebrate Intersectionality:** Recognize and celebrate the diversity within the LGBTQ+ community. Understand that issues of race, gender, disability, and socioeconomic status intersect with sexual orientation and gender identity, creating unique challenges and experiences. Because, honestly, who wants to be one-dimensional?

6. **Hold Companies Accountable:** Call out businesses that engage in superficial support or backtrack on their commitments. Demand transparency and ask for tangible actions that show genuine support for the LGBTQ+ community. Think of it as being the Sherlock Holmes of social justice.

Building a Genuine Culture of Pride

Creating a culture of genuine pride and inclusivity requires ongoing effort from both individuals and organizations. For businesses, this means going beyond surface-level gestures and implementing policies and practices that support LGBTQ+ employees and customers. For individuals, it means being vigilant and proactive in advocating for equal rights and representation. And for everyone, it means realizing that a rainbow is more than just a pretty Instagram filter.

Conclusion

Superficial support or outright avoidance might be a convenient way for companies to sidestep controversy during Pride Month, but genuine support requires more than a temporary change in branding. By maintaining pride and advocating for inclusivity year-round, we can ensure that the spirit of Pride is not just a seasonal trend but a lasting movement toward equality and acceptance. Because let's face it, rainbows are great, but real change is even better. And who doesn't want to be a part of that?

Kimie Flores (Kimie the Destroyer)

Fri, 14 Jun 2024 13:19:35 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO KIMIE FLORES (KIMIE THE DESTROYER) OUR FEATURED NIGHT OWL FOR JUNE!

Meet Kimie Flores (Kimie the Destroyer).

Kimie shares her experiences with us, discussing how she leverages her natural instincts in business, navigates sobriety, faces discrimination based on her appearance, handles police reports, and copes with the challenges of simply existing. We reached out to Kimie after learning about her previous involvement in community projects and appreciate her openness in discussing therapy and her personal journey as an artist.

(Photo credit: Jake Howse)

Tell us a little bit about your background as an artist. Who are you as an artist and how did you come to be where you are today?

For sure. I grew up in a small town in south Texas called Uvalde. There’s not much out there, so for me, art played a huge role in my life which is something to do. Something to look forward to. I had a really awesome high school art teacher. I drew my whole life, but she was the one who pushed me into wanting into do it as a career, help me with resources, apply to college, and look into school. She went to school, and she was an incredible artist. Seeing her made it more real… Not saying my family wasn’t supportive, it’s just in their mind…they’re old-fashioned, Mexican household. They make money to survive to take care of all of us. So, they weren’t like “Oh yeah. Go out be an artist.” They wanted me to find something stable. Something that will help me get an education. So, for me, I just dove into the whole art thing. I was told Austin is the place where all the weird people are, and I just wanted to know what that was all about.

Boundaries show up in all areas of life. How do they show up in your area of life working as an artist?

Definitely with a level of comfort. You want to be able to produce your best. If you’re not feeling… if something seems a bit off to you in a situation, I really do believe that is your body’s natural instinct letting your body know that something is a little funky. I need to say something. I need to make sure that we’re good or reassess the situation. It’s totally helped me in the long run. Boundaries are really important. You’re trying to protect your mind and of course your physical. It’s always important to establish what the boundaries are with anything in life with your friends or clients.

How have you needed to establish boundaries with your clients?

Just by talking out the situation. Understanding that if it is with a client or a friend, seeing what their expectations are and then try to do our best to collaborate and then meet in the middle.

What other obstacles have you experienced?

Haha, well obstacles are just apart of the job. Simply putting yourself out there. You show people your work. It automatically gives people this sense of being able to have this perception of you or how you do things. Just dealing with rejection. I’ve applied to many shows and been rejected in a span of 10-11 years. I think, to a degree it is helpful because it helps you reassess, and see things from a different perspective. Things I’ve been rejected from, I’ve been accepted, too. It’s just apart of growing. Are you evolved? You want to perform better and learn how to transform what you’re doing. Eventually all the “no’s” turn into “yes”, and that is probably the most gratifying part of the hard work. It does pay off.

What about social stigma? Do you feel you are treated differently for working as an artist?

Oh, for sure. Especially since I am more alternative looking. I am heavily tattooed. I recently did this mural job in Cedar Park. I was working by commission for a little league team. They wanted to have a baseball mural in their space. I had worked with them to design to some stuff. There were Karen’s that were driving by and calling the police saying that there is someone tagging the art—tagging the mural! They don’t realize that’s me, like, I am the one making the mural . That was definitely a bit strange for me to deal with because as I would go out there and work on it, I would talk to police officers on a daily basis that would say “You’re not…doing anything…right?” I’d say “I mean, I am painting this for the little league team.” They’d say they kept getting calls that someone is trying to tag the mural and “you don’t really look like you’re tagging anything.” I was like “I’m not. I have a permit to be here.”

So, how do you show up for yourself after situations like that?

I definitely take breaks. After the pandemic, I learned that it’s really important to take care of your mind, and just being able to properly rest. If I’m not working on art stuff, I’m really into fitness. I try to do things for my mind and my body by just working out. Working out makes me feel really good. It makes me feel healthy. I quit drinking four years ago after the pandemic. That was just a really difficult time to process. I found myself becoming a daily drinker. It was just super unhealthy. I didn’t want to use that as a way to cope with the circumstance of what the world was. Now, if I’m feeling down about something, I’ll go exercise or spend time with some of my close friends because they are my chosen family. We try to support each other, push each other, and remind each other that we are on the right path and doing well. It’s just sometimes people don’t understand.

In every industry, there is unspoken etiquette, a way of how you would like to be treated. What would you like our readers to know as far as how to treat artists?

I would say the most important thing is that not everyone can afford to buy art. We live in a very unpredictable economy at the moment. Just being able to share people’s work and talk about it… spread the word. If you see a cool art piece, show all of your friends the art piece, then they can show all of their friends. It doesn’t always have to be a money, transactional relationship. As long as you are supportive, like their posts, engage with their social media… that means the world to people. That is apart of the business now. If you don’t have that presence online, people wonder if you’re in a cave. If you’re not trying to spend that money, then definitely be more engaging online. Share people’s work. I share a ton of my friend’s work because there’s so many incredible artists here in town.

What is a valuable lesson you have learned working in the night life industry?

That’s a good question. I would say, it’s a test of being able to adapt to certain situations because things are so unpredictable. It’s one of those things that if you really want to do something like this, and be an artist, try to actually be a professional, it’s going to be very hard. Incredibly hard. You don’t necessarily have a nine-to-five boundary of “This is when I work”. You have to set that for yourself. Sometimes for me, I work almost everyday. I’m just grateful that I love doing what I do because it doesn’t necessarily feel like work. I would rather be going non-stop doing what I love than having that nine-to-five where I check out. I think that’s the trade off of it. It’s time. People that might have a conventional job might not have time to dive into their passions and understand what that’s really all about. I’m glad to a degree that I have a certain level of discipline that I can set up my schedule in a way to where I can properly get everything done, but still also show up for myself.

What would you say to someone to who is reluctant to receive therapy?

I used to be one of those people. Honestly, when I met my friend Courtney, she really changed my whole perception on therapy. At the time, she was going through a divorce. Seeing her go through that during the pandemic…it was a two year long divorce because of everything happening. She kind of saw that I was going through personal stuff, too. She reminded me it is okay to talk to somebody. There’s nothing wrong with talking to someone and just getting another opinion. It honestly helped me because I found a therapist and started talking to someone for almost two years after the pandemic. It honestly helped me during that time understand what I was feeling. That internal anxiety about everything happening and that uncertainty. It helped me a lot with not second-guessing feelings I might have had, and insecurities. It was nice to talk to somebody that, in a weird way, doesn’t really know me.

Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up about therapy or your experience as an artist?

Definitely. I just want to say therapy works for everyone. People have their own ways of being able to find help. There are some incredible people that can guide you through certain hard times. It’s important to understand to know when you’re feeling overwhelmed. Life is hard. Existing is incredibly difficult. Nobody said it was easy, and nobody knows how to do it. So, it’s perfectly okay to take a step back, talk to somebody, and let them know “Hey. I’m not okay… But I want to be.” I think that’s probably the biggest game changer is having that mentality is understanding that you want to see inner improvement within yourself, you know? Nobody knows what they’re doing. We all just manage life the best way we can. It’s a bit overwhelming. I never claim to know everything because I definitely know it all, but I want to do my best to try to understand certain situations. I want to manage it the best way I can.

Say It Ain’t So: Navigating Father’s Day When Your Dad Struggles with Health-Conscious Behavior

Tue, 04 Jun 2024 17:28:29 GMT

Father’s Day is a time to celebrate and honor the dads who have shaped our lives. However, when your dad struggles with maintaining health-conscious behaviors , the day can bring a mix of emotions. Balancing celebration with support for his well-being can be challenging, but it’s not impossible.

Understanding the Struggle

Many dads find it tough to stick to health-conscious habits, whether it’s due to busy schedules, long-held routines, or simply the comfort of familiar indulgences. Recognizing this struggle is the first step in planning a Father’s Day that supports his health while still making him feel cherished.

Planning a Health-Conscious Celebration

1. Active Outings: Instead of a traditional brunch or dinner, consider planning an active outing. A family hike, bike ride, or a day at the park can be both fun and healthy.

2. Healthy Meals: If dining out is a must, choose a restaurant with healthy options or prepare a nutritious meal at home. Focus on his favorite flavors while incorporating healthier ingredients.

3. Mindful Gifts: Opt for gifts that encourage healthy habits. A new set of workout gear, a subscription to a healthy meal kit service, or a book on healthy living can be thoughtful and supportive.

Setting Boundaries

It’s important to maintain your own health-conscious routines, even if your dad pressures you to indulge. Setting boundaries is key:

- Communicate Clearly: Let your dad know why sticking to your routine is important to you. Explain that it’s not about rejecting his choices but about maintaining your own well-being.

- Offer Alternatives: Suggest healthier alternatives that you both can enjoy. This can help him see that healthy doesn’t mean boring or unappealing.

- Stay Firm: If he continues to pressure you, politely but firmly reiterate your commitment to your health goals. Standing your ground can set a positive example.

Emotional Support

Show empathy and understanding. Acknowledge his efforts and struggles without judgment. Sometimes, just listening and being there for him can make a significant difference.

Celebrating Progress

Celebrate small victories. If he’s made strides in adopting healthier habits, highlight these achievements. Positive reinforcement can be a powerful motivator.

Creating New Traditions

Use Father’s Day as an opportunity to start new, health-conscious traditions. Whether it’s a yearly family run or a healthy cooking challenge, these new traditions can make a lasting impact on his health journey.

Navigating Father’s Day when your dad struggles with health-conscious behavior requires a blend of creativity, empathy, and encouragement. By planning activities that align with his well-being goals, and maintaining your own health boundaries, you can ensure the day is both meaningful and supportive. Remember, the best gift you can give is your ongoing support and love.

JENKINS2D

Mon, 03 Jun 2024 14:16:00 GMT

WE'RE EXCITED TO FEATURE JOHNNY DUNCAN AS OUR FEATURED NIGHT OWL FOR JUNE 2024

Meet Johnny Duncan (Jenkins2D), a Colorado-born Texas-grown multidisciplinary artist, Satellite member of the Blue Dozen Collective from Austin, Founder of First Friday New Braunfels, and creator of streetwear brand Chill Infinity. Calling New Braunfels his home where he creates kaleidoscopic works that are known for being vivid, iconic, and deceptively simple. He discusses navigating the art scene through the lens of a “racially ambiguous” person, the sexual objectification of art(ists), and the worst things that you can tell an artist. We are most grateful for his authentic and vulnerable response to his experience of therapy as “hyperbolic mind chamber”, and the great insight for those who are reluctant to seek therapy.

Hi Johnny. Tell me a little bit about your background as an artist and a muralist.

So, I've been making art my whole life really. I mean, I was like 3 or 4 [years old], sitting with my grandpa and he'd like bust out this roll of tracing paper and would just describe these characters to me… like whether it be a gingerbread man…animals and all kinds of stuff. So, I was always doodling really young. Coloring books were my best friend…and then I eventually was making comics in middle school. I was always just drawing pictures… Then, when I discovered painting and street art, that's when everything kind of changed. That’s when I knew I like art. I was like “I want to draw.” I didn't know what I wanted to do, but after that, there was no going back. I want to make art, I want to paint walls, I want to paint on canvas, and I wanna make cool stickers… and it just was the whole culture sort of ate me up. I don't know. It's just always been there, and it's kind of all I've known.

Boundaries show up in all areas of life. How have boundaries showed up in your area of life? For example, setting boundaries with friends, collectors, venue owners, etc…

That's been an ongoing thing that I'm still learning, since so many things are almost case per case scenario, like when it's with a collector versus with a collaborator. I feel it's become really important to me to limit my accessibility for the sake of my stability. I also feel like just giving myself important rest time, and also how I communicate to people especially in professional settings… I think it protects myself. Not everybody's my friend, right? Then, when it comes to my friends, that’s like a whole different language that we share. I have to navigate that authentically. It's just kind of taught me a lot about myself and how I feel best in being true to myself... and just in good standing with who I am with, what I'm doing, and what I'm supposed to be presenting. It's weird. I feel like I'm still discovering [boundaries], but it's invaluable because I feel like it's protected my peace and that's really what it's all about.

Everybody experiences obstacles in life. Have you experienced any social stigma or prejudice as an artist? People treating you differently or less than—or putting you on a pedestal, like you’re a king—because you’re an artist?

Yes. Hahaha. Definitely both ways, you know? Because I think in the terms of what sort of art that I make people will jump to their own conclusions about how my mind works. Depending on where the perception is coming from, it can be like definitely getting judged for the psychedelic nature of work, or the the cartoon nature of my work… Then, of course, me being an ambiguous dark person…there's already so much speculation as to what my race is…There's always these things that don't really mean anything in any sort of way other than when these people are judging me are also treating me a certain way… Sometimes that's been nasty. Sometimes people can be kind of weird, you know? I feel like people have objectified artists, too. It's weird because as an observer of the world you're probably one of the most observed, so there's all these stigmas that are attached. People also just feel like jumping to conclusions on how they can treat you because they see you a certain way, in such an array of ways, in my experience.

Tell me about some of the roadblocks that you have encountered as an artist and how you've managed it.

So one of the things is that I live in a smaller town, and the general consensus of what is art in this area is one thing that I have had to overcome, and still am, but it's come a long way. Also, this journey has forced me to go elsewhere. I've done work all over Texas, New York, London, Japan, and Denver… So, it's like jumping around. It's opening up the scope of what I need to be doing. Also, just learning the business that no one taught me has been one of the biggest things… Balancing my undying commitment to not working 9:00 to 5:00, and just make art, and survive off of my craft… but also doing that in a way where I'm not just creating artwork that I don't want to create, that means nothing to me, just because I can get paid. I have to do all those things while being true to myself, so that I feel watered and fed, and not like I'm just being drained. That's something that I had to do a lot of… was like take [jobs] that I don't even want to do… and it just doesn't feel good. It's not worth it because in the end you're just gonna get more of that work requested of you, and that's not what I'm trying to share. That's not what I'm trying to put out.

What role has therapy or self-care played in your life?

I would say that the self-care that I've implemented since spending time in therapy is monumental to how I maneuver now. I'm always taking steps forward with my care in mind, knowing that the more I can care for myself the better that I can care for others, like my son, my work, my friends, my family, my clients… l feel like everything I've done inward is reflecting my life in the outward, and that’s because I'm always working on healing… So much so that I've called it the hyperbolic mind chamber because it's allowed me to almost go inward. In just an hour once a week, I get way stronger in such a way by learning about my boundaries, and learning about protecting my peace, and learning about understanding my reaction to my emotions, and what I need to do with them. In every single way, it's made my life better, and my work better. I feel even that attention to detail is reflected in my paintings and in my living.

I would just literally urge everybody in the world to [go to therapy]. Even if you don't think you need to, like, there's some shit there. I'm basically open to putting myself under microscope with myself. My therapist is such a cool dude. We would be best friends, but we can’t be…and so when I'm in [therapy], it's almost like I'm wearing a lab coat with myself. There's another version of myself where we're just looking at me under a microscope…and I'm the kind of person who is like “I wanna clean this [life] up. I wanna Polish this” because I understand what it means to live, and I'm trying to live the best I can. The better I become just makes living better, like my everyday living…like even dealing with perceived problems.

Is there anything that you would like the art world to know, whether it be collectors, friends, other artists, as far as etiquette?

There’s a lot, but I think we need to start here... We need to stop telling artists that “If you put that on a shirt, I'll buy it.” Then, when you put it on a shirt, they don't buy it. That's gotta be the worst thing in the world because how many shirts have I produced that a person basically requested, and didn't buy? It's every single shirt I've ever produced. So be a buyer of your word. If you're gonna support, support. I feel like we just feed off of yall. I wouldn't be anything without an audience. I mean, sure I would still make art, and it would still mean everything it means to me, but I love that I get to share it, and then it you know gets to be what it is to everyone else that enjoys it… but like come on. It's like, go to the DJ show, it's like, if you tell your homie you're gonna go, or you tell this this creator that you're gonna support, then support because we need you. We need you. We do this for you, you know?

I hear what you’re saying... What is a valuable lesson that you've learned in your industry?

Hmmm. Don't. Make. The shirt.

But really, I would say, vet your clients. I've been scammed, and that really set me back. I thought like I was doing a big deal. I was high on the idea of the big sale. You need to be careful protect. Ultimately, just protect yourself because you need to protect your work, too. I think that goes in a lot of different ways. Don't make work you don't want to make because then you'll get stuck doing that, if that finds success, and that's what you get known for, and you're not passionate about it… Protect yourself in ways where you’re actually pricing your work to where it's valuable because if you're underselling yourself, then you're doing just that. You're underselling yourself. You want to be able to be the value that you feel in your work. So, in every single way as an artist you need to always protect yourself, protect your time, protect your energy, protect your heart, just as a person. It’s all the same.

Thank you, Johnny. So, what would you say to someone who is reluctant to seek therapy?

Um. That’s exactly why you need to go.

ASHLEY CANTU

Tue, 14 May 2024 18:18:06 GMT

WE'RE EXCITED TO FEATURE ASHLEY CANTU AS OUR FEATURED NIGHT OWL FOR MAY 2024

We dedicate this interview in loving memory of Kolin Maki.

Meet Ashley Cantu, a multi-talented professional, proficient in various roles such as brand ambassador, a freelance model, content creator/influencer marketer, creative director, event producer, talent coordinator, host, bartender, and performer, deeply embedded in Austin's nightlife. She brings a multifaceted approach to any role she undertake. Amidst a troubling outbreak of fentanyl-related fatalities in the city, the urgency of her message cannot be overstated. Ash shares her unique perspective in a candid interview, discussing her health conscious journey within an industry where substance use is often normalized. Her reflections offer a powerful, resonant message to her community. We are profoundly grateful to Ash for her openness and her commitment to raising awareness about the resources available to those in need. Thank you, Ash, for your impactful contribution.

Tell me a little bit about your background working in the nightlife industry.

I am born and raised from a small border town called Laredo, Texas. I didn’t start working in the nightlife until I moved to Austin. I started bartending and performing at night as a side gig and ended up liking the fast money for bartending and the exercise through dancing. Music is therapy to me, why I chose to dance, and also I see it as a form of cardio… but there was one thing I noticed a lot through working night shifts on weekends. A lot of people were kind of lost and not connecting with each other. I would see many people escaping reality using alcohol and drugs. I didn’t like being around that. So, I would show up for work, and do what I got to do, and leave. I wouldn’t really stay for afters because, just like my mom said “There’s nothing good after 2am”. It is true. There’s people doing more drugs than ever before, then you lose sleep. In the long run, and as time goes by, this will age you and I’m very aware of that, so I take it seriously. I only believe in plant medicine, anything that is derived from the ground, natural, and would heal you…

I remember just being in a room… the only sober one. It was hard to see. I was the only one able to see everyone’s behaviors and patterns. Everyone is vibing on the same level, and I was very calm observing. I organically have high energy. I don’t need alcohol to have a good time. A lot of friends drink to socialize. I used to be shy. I used to drink to follow the crowd, but I saw how harmful it was to me. I don’t like hangovers, I don’t like the way it makes me feel, and I know it is poison to me. I’ve been trying to stay sober for the past months.. I would rather work and make money than go out and fall into temptation.

While everyone is out poisoning themselves I’m making some money, and that’s the way I saw it.

The thing that sucks is that people make fun of you or they think you’re weird for not drinking or doing the same things as them…like wanting to take care of my body and saying no to poison is bad why l would rather work and stay healthy.

Boundaries show up in all areas of life. How do they show up in your area of life working in the nightlife industry?

I used to be a “yes girl”. I said yes to everything, because I put people before me. I felt bad for saying “no” because I wasn’t making them happy, but in the end, I wasn’t making myself happy. That’s what matters the most. If it is not a “hell, yes”, it should be a “hell, no”, and if they don’t respect that then they don’t respect your boundaries and shouldn’t be around. I had to say “no” to a lot of things, especially a big position for work. They were trying to blind me with numbers. They ask how much do you want? That didn’t matter to me. Money blinds people. I had to say “no” because I had seen a lot that I shouldn’t. I didn’t want to part of that. Just saying “no” when it doesn’t feel right or aligned. I learned that “no” is saying “yes” to yourself.

You mentioned people making fun of you. What other obstacles have you experienced?

The nightlife can ruin a whole routine or schedule…working late and sleeping late. You are still sleeping, but a different schedule than everyone else’s. I felt like I was a vampire. Now, I mostly accept events that are during the day or private events. I am 30. I am not getting any younger. I need to take care of my sleep and my health. I focus my work around health now.

What about social stigma? Are you treated differently for working in that field?

When it comes to performing, like dancing, that’s one thing that has been hard for me because people judge. A lot of people judge because I am dressed “too sexy”, but I feel free and dancing has helped me heal. Embodiment is a good exercise to cope with stress. That is one thing, I see it as cardio. Exercise is good for you. I go by the very famous podcaster Gary V saying “Don’t fucking care about what anybody thinks.” It’s what you think, and what makes YOU happy. People will talk no matter what but also realize that judgment has more to do with them than you. I’m a firm believer if it’s not hurting anybody and it’s making YOU happy- do it. I remember the first time dancing, I used to have stage fright. I used to be very shy and dancing/modeling helped me to become free and open. I used to hide in speech class and hide behind my paper. I put myself in uncomfortable situations, and that is how you grow…like they say success is on the other side of fear. You have to just jump when it feels scary. I pushed myself and it helped me grow. It helped in so many ways.

In every industry, there is unspoken etiquette, a way of how you would like to be treated. What would you like our readers to know as far as how to treat bartenders or dancers?

When it comes to bartending, you’ll have to deal with some drunk people. I have gotten where people will say certain things because they are drunk. We have to deal with hearing things that we don’t want to hear because of that, but we usually work behind a bar with security, manager etc. So, if they could be kind and control their alcohol that would be a suggestion.

For performing, we are supposed to dance in a certain spot. When we take breaks, people come and dance on the platform. That is one things they shouldn’t do…that and leaving drinks on the stage because we have to come back and dance at a certain time then we see all the drinks on the stage… that messes up our schedule, to clean up.

Also, the the venue is responsible for anyone getting hurt. If someone falls, it is the responsibility of the venue. The bar can be sued if they have no insurance. Also, people come to us and try to talk while we are dancing. We can talk during working hours, we can’t do much during breaks either. During breaks, that is our down time. I want to talk, but I am usually tired and want to rest. I just want them to respect that I am taking a break. We can always talk after I get off of work.

What is a valuable lesson you have learned working in the night life industry?

I know that everyone is going through something. Don’t fall for peer pressure. Your voice and mind is stronger thank you think and matters more than anyone else’s. If they don’t respect that you’re not drinking, then they should not be your friend. I have friends that I surround myself with that don’t judge me if I don’t. Those are the types of friends you want. Those are the ones I consider friends.

How has self-care shown up in your life?

Fitness has always been apart of my life. It all started with my mom. It started with watching the workout VHS videos she had in her room. I would be bored and I would put them on to see what it was all about. Then, I joined sports and the gym because of her, too. She was very active and healthy. My mom has a big inspiration on my fitness life. Not about looking good, but feeling good. I have more energy and confidence. Every time I was stressed and sad, I would feel better after a workout session or self care routine. I started doing ice baths. I knew there were benefits behind it. I started doing it, and I started seeing a difference. Last year, when I started taking ice baths, I noticed I had more energy and got sick less. All the soreness that I had would be gone. I sweated all the bad toxins in the sauna. I would feel better afterwards. Self care is necessary. If I don’t do it, I feel like I will get burnt out. You need your “you time”. Put yourself first. It’s happened to me where I had to cancel things because I needed “me time”. If I don’t prioritize self care, then I do not operate at 100%. I always want to operate at 100% and show up as my best self. People will notice, even if I put up a mask on, they’ll see that you’re not too friendly or talkative and misjudge. Your mental health is more important than that job, that relationship, that dinner. You are first. So it is the first thing I do in the morning, I workout. It has help me start off my days right. Self care got me having a work life balance.

What would you say to someone to who is reluctant to receive therapy?

I think they should try it. You never know until you try. You will be suprised what you will get out of it but not only any type of therapy. You need to find the right therapist for you. There is someone that said “I feel like I need therapy” in a very broken, with a knot on his throat, like therapy is bad. He said he was so disappointed in himself, like he failed at life. It is not bad, we all need a helping hand, and are humans. There’s nothing wrong with it. I think the most important thing is finding the right therapist. When it comes to therapy, most of them are girls, but sometimes a man needs another man. Sometimes men just need another man to tell them “fucking do it and get out of your head”. They need a push from another man. If a girl does not work maybe find a guy, just find someone who pushes you and inspires you to become the best version of yourself.

Is there anything else you’d like to say before we wrap up?

Yes, actually. There is something that is very concerning in Austin, and I feel like I need to say it. This needs to be said to save lives. I’ve had friends that passed away through substances. So, Austin is rated the #1 city in the state for the highest capital of fentanyl. There’s an outbreak of deaths last weekend. I just want to encourage this is why people need therapy or rehab. You don’t need drugs to escape reality. Drugs are just a temporary solution. In the end, it is killing you. Find a healthy solution.. You only have one life, don’t destroy it. We need you here. We all need you. I’ve been there before and felt like no one understands me. Believe me drugs are not the solution. You’re going to hurt a lot of people. When overdoses happen… you don’t see that you are hurting so many people around you. I am speaking for my friend who passed away a year ago. I just don’t want to see more friends passing away. It affects everyone around you. Just don’t be selfish and take care of yourself.

There were signs that something was wrong with my friend. Someone told me “Please talk to him. No one will listen”. I knew that I needed to talk to him. I only saw him out in party settings though. I never thought I was never going to talk to him again. It broke my heart thinking that I could have talked to him and put some sense into him. I told myself that if I see someone else that has those signs, I’m going to tell them. I am going to say something and speak up. Which I have, I saw someone a few months later going in the same footsteps…and that person knows the person that passed away. I told him “I don’t want you to be next”. I put some sense into his head. Sometimes speaking up and using your voice can help someone. Don’t be afraid to use it and just check in with your friends.

GERALD LAMINA

Wed, 10 Apr 2024 17:29:15 GMT

WE'RE EXCITED TO FEATURE GERALD LAMINA AS OUR FEATURED NIGHT OWL FOR MAY 2024

Meet Gerald Lamina. He shares his perspective on the challenges of pursuing a career in the landscape of music and nightlife, offering a candid look at the often-overlooked emotional and psychological aspects of being a DJ. His shared experience is invaluable as we relaunch our organization to spread the word about available resources to those in the nightlife industry. We appreciate you, Gerald.

Tell us about your background in the nightlife industry.

I moved to Austin from Chicago to start a career in music. I started throwing my own events because I didn’t really love the nightlife scene here. So, I started creating my own parties to get experience DJ’ing. Last year was my first year that I was really gigging a lot: I said yes to almost everything that was thrown my way.

I still had my 9 to 5, and it [DJ’ing] just started really cutting into my social life. People think being DJ’ing is a super social thing, but it’s really not. At the end of the set, everyone is gone. You’re up there by yourself, packing up your gear alone, and it can be depressing. I feel like I didn’t have boundaries when to say “no.”

This year it’s like a whole reframe for me because of that. I found my boundary. I found how many sets I’m comfortable with per week, or per month.

I love that you mention boundaries. They show up in all areas of life, so how is boundary-setting as a DJ? What does it look like with bars, patrons, club-owners, and friends who want to come with shows? What does that look like for you?

My DJ’ing boundaries are mostly associated with club owners & promoters. Sometimes they try to box you into this niche of only playing a certain genre/style. Or, they really try to undercut your rate. Being able to say “no” to both those situations is empowering and proved to be significantly beneficial for my mental health.

Trying to get gigs in Austin sometimes felt like a rat race: 30 DJ’s all trying to play at the same four spots. Occasionally, fighting to get those gigs and not getting them gave me anxiety. It made me feel like “Damn, am I not good enough?” Which is a super normal feeling when you start doing anything in the entertainment industry. I think when I accepted that I couldn’t be everywhere at once, the anxiety and stress went away and I also found myself playing gigs that really fit me and my style.

Is there anything you would want your audience to know as far as DJ etiquette...

So, yeah I understand now because I run a company... like if my buddy owned a restaurant, I would never come in with 10 people and be like “Give me a free fucking dinner.” If anything, I would pay and tip in full to support my friend. I’m not making a lot of money from this shit because all the money I make goes back in. I just did my taxes. I made no money DJ’ing in 2023. I broke even and I probably put 1000+ hours into it last year. Imagine doing 1000 hours of work and making 0 dollars. That’s like working a 40 hour week for 6 months straight with no vacation and not making anything, just to put it in perspective. When my friends throw events, I never ask if I can be on the guest list. If someone offers it, that’s one thing. Sometimes they do offer it and I still buy the ticket, because I know how it feels to be on the other end of it. Even when other people in the industry come to my events, they expect to be on the guest list. With some, it’s definitely warranted. They have mentored me or significantly helped me get to where I am right now with DJing and event planning. But for others, like the rogue bartender at some dive I frequent once a month... it’s like “don’t you want to support the cause?” I’ll pay to go to your events. Some people just don’t get it. Maybe it’s a money thing? I find it hard to believe for people who live here in Austin, but here we are. Ultimately I think the sense of entitlement is nuts. People think when they kind of know you, they can just go for free. It’s like, dude, support the cause, support local business, support local artists.

Your candidness is very refreshing because a lot of people don’t speak on that, and that’s something that everyone across every medium of art is experiencing... What are roadblocks you encountered, and when did you know it was time to seek therapy and find some balance? What led you to believe it’s time to seek therapy?

I definitely had anxiety more when I did [seek therapy]. I also wasn’t in the most suitable relationship. That definitely added a decent amount [of stress]. Between that and the event planning, I just felt very strung out and pulled in five different directions. Was I even doing this because I like it? Is this really speaking to me? Am I serving myself or am I just doing this for other people? Sometimes when you’re DJ’ing you feel like a fucking monkey clapping symbols. It’s like, “Well, I’m playing at this popular club, so I have to play more commercial music. Na, fuck that.” That’s where my boundary came into fruition. I’m going to play sets that I want, so that I can play music that speaks to me and my people. There’s a balance.

When I pulled myself out of Austin, and out of the DJ scene, I had a clearer outlook on what I needed for my mental health. I went home to New York for the holidays for like 3 weeks, then I spent a month in Colombia.

I didn’t talk to anyone my first 2 weeks there. Then I started ingratiating with the music scene in Medellin and it was unbelievable. I think it brought me back to my roots about why I started DJing: I love connecting with people and curating a lively environment for people to be themselves. I find that the best way to do that is through music.

How else have you found balance?

I workout. I play soccer. I joined a yoga studio. I’m not super anal about it. I think doing anything every day is unhealthy to some degree. Even if it’s something conventionally “positive” or “healthy.” I workout 4-5 days a week.I journal once a week as well. I did go to therapy...but honestly after making a few really big life changes, I feel so much better...I think I got what I needed from therapy these past 3 months and I’m going to ride without it for a bit. There was a time when I was pretty nomadic: since I graduated college, I’ve lived in 6 different cities... I wasn’t doing that anymore because of DJ’ing. I was tethered to Austin. That was making me feel suffocated. This is the smallest city I’ve ever lived in. I feel like it’s very hard to get your own space and privacy here. It’s kind of ironic because people think New York is such a chaotic thing, and this is quiet. It’s like, dude, I can’t go to the grocery store on a Monday without seeing someone I know. I want privacy. I want to go on a date, and not have ten people see me. It’s uncomfortable. On the contrary, in New York, no one gives a shit. No one is up your ass. I’m not used to the intimate atmosphere here. Hence, I revisited my own finding that I needed to travel more. I’m going to Europe and Africa for the entire month of May. I’m going to continue to go to South America for all of January. I’m not going to be here in the summer either really. And not being here gave me space to miss the city and appreciate it for the same reasons that originally attracted me to it. But for me and my personality, I like moving around, I like absorbing pieces from different cultures. Austin is super white. It’s the least diverse city I’ve ever lived in. It’s super limiting being here 24/7 especially in the realm of music/art/literature.

What would you say is a valuable lesson that you’ve learned in your industry?

You’ve got to take time for yourself to reflect... You’ve got to keep checks on yourself. At least once a week. Pick a day. Have a ritual where you think when did I feel down this week? If I did, what was making me feel down? What were some of my triggers? What was making me feel anxious or stressed? Identifying those things. On the flip side, what makes me really happy? What fucking lights me up? For me, it’s traveling. Traveling alone. That makes me so fucking happy. Maybe being a little more social during the week and not so caught up in all my music and shit. Balancing that, too. Instead of doing music five days a week, do it three days a week. Go hang out with your friends or do something that you really enjoy...figuring out what really lights you up outside of just the DJ’ing or whatever it may be. Some people are really obsessed. Some people are at it every fucking day. That drove me crazy. I was hanging out with people who DJ all the time, and that’s all they talk about it. It’s like “holy shit,” this is driving me up a fucking wall. Just because I DJ doesn’t mean that’s my life. I’m a human being. I’m multidimensional. I have other things that I love to do. I feel like staying true to that helped me. I joined a run club. I’m in a yoga studio. I do things outside of that that make me really happy.

You mention being “more than a DJ”. Everyone experiences social stigma or prejudice in some form. Have you experienced that by telling people you’re a DJ?

For sure. Yeah. Nowadays, I feel like so many people DJ. Because of the sheer number of DJ’s, there are a lot of shit ones [DJ’s]. It kind of pisses me off when people don’t work on the craft, and they slither their way into these gigs. It makes you look bad and compromises the integrity of the work you put in. It makes people not take you seriously. In some ways it was good because it’s like, “Okay, how do I separate myself from the stigma? I need to produce my own music.” So, it’s lighting a fire under my ass to keep progressing my career... so it’s good and bad, I guess. The industry is riddled with some of the shittiest people I’ve ever met in my life. Superficial girls only talking to you because you’re a DJ. Guys that are super power hungry and money hungry. Being surrounded by that on the weekends...spending my time...I didn’t lose myself, but it made me stressed. I need to surround myself with quality ass people. I wasn’t nourishing the relationships that mattered most to me.

Do you feel like you ever encountered the opposite? People who avoid you because you’re a DJ?

Do I feel like people avoid me? No, but I’m a really nice guy though. I’m really friendly. I’m educated, too. I feel like when people give me ten minutes to chat with them, they’re like “Okay, you’re with it. You’re self aware. You’re socially aware. You’ve got an EQ. You’re a normal person.” So, I’ve never experienced that personally.

What would you say to somebody who’s hesitant to seek therapy?

Fucking go and do it, dude. You are doing yourself a disservice if you’re not. You got to try it. It’s so good for you. Especially if you don’t have as much direction or a great network of people who are self aware. I’m really lucky because a lot of my friends are socially and emotionally intelligent, so I’m able to get good feedback and advice from them... I’ve been to therapy on three separate occasions in my life. Usually for acute reasons, nothing chronic.

Generally, everyone should try it. I really appreciate some of the tools it’s given me to deal with certain triggers and traumas.

DRAGONWOLF

Mon, 06 Feb 2023 20:52:34 GMT

WE'RE EXCITED TO FEATURE DRAGONWOLF AS OUR FEATURED ARTIST FOR FEBRUARY

Give us a general background of your life.

I have a pretty interesting life because I followed two completely different career paths concurrently and fully. I'm both a lead engineer at a fortune 20 company, and a world class performer.

Tell us about your involvement in the arts and nightlife entertainment.

I was always naturally drawn to places where lots of people came together. You can very much consider me a super extrovert. Pretty early in life I realized that I have a natural talent and also interest in dancing. Nevertheless I lived in a society where dancing was not really a thing. Still,, combined with my highly athletic lifestyle, I was able to create my own dance moves and it got a lot of attention. When I got older I got into event creation, ultimately becoming a part of throwing large music events. I slowly realized I could invest my time and resources into bringing dancing and circus into our events. This sent me on a journey of my own performance career where I almost exclusively focused on performing and less on event creation. However I am back in the even creation space now where I lead alongside my business partners in creating world class, multi dimensional, immersive events. I continue to perform on a high level with many companies and organizations around the world.

Everyone experiences obstacles in life. Tell us about the roadblocks you’ve encountered along the way.

Perhaps the original road block I experienced was spending my childhood in a part of the world where music and dancing are nearly prohibited. I still find it quite amazing that despite nearly no exposure to the world of dance, I was able to naturally imagine the movements that later became the foundation of my art and creations.

What are some lessons you’ve learned on this path?

Perhaps the biggest lesson I have learned is that you need to bypass doubt whether internal or external. This path is a very open ended one and a lot of times, if you're innovating or working hard, you'll face skepticism. Also the scene is full of distractions, or frustrations because not everyone will share your work ethic or standards. You have to stay on task no matter what's happening.

What role has therapy and/or self-care played in your life?

Studies show that the most successful athletes aren't the ones with the most physical dominance, but rather the ones with the better mental techniques. Arts and athletics are heavily tied to one's state of mind. I've seen myself be able to run a 100 miles obstacle race without feeling a doubt, and I have found myself questioning whether I can get up and do a single set. Therapy is something I use not to put out fires, but rather to maintain my mind. I review my thoughts and how I felt at different times, so I can better optimize myself.

It's really easy to misunderstand the excitement and happiness of making artistic accomplishments. After sometime you get used to feeling seen and you have to find new ways of motivating yourself or finding inspiration.

Follow him on IG: @dragonwolfofficial

BRANDI JOHNSON

Thu, 28 Apr 2022 01:16:12 GMT

WE'RE EXCITED TO FEATURE BRANDI JOHNSON AS OUR FIRST FEATURED ARTIST

Give us a general background of your life.

I'm a multimedia artist and I'm also a mom! My 5 year old daughter inspires me so much artistically because we bond by creating together. I enjoy dancing to live music and at goth clubs, stand up comedy, creative photoshoots, and memes.

Tell us about your involvement in the arts and nightlife entertainment.

I have a background as a costume designer for theatre and indie films. I’m transitioning my design skills to a career in the video game industry and working as a nightlife entertainer (dancer). I also just opened a pop up shop where I sell my art and upcycled clothing. It’s called Space Sex.

Everyone experiences obstacles in life. Tell us about the roadblocks you’ve encountered along the way.

When I had my daughter I could no longer work the crazy demanding schedules I was used to as a costume designer. I was expected to be on set for 10+ hours a day, travel, and work at odd hours. It was hard to find adequate childcare so I quit and became a bartender. During my time as a bartender I worked in a toxic environment and was constantly sexually harassed by coworkers, bosses, and employees. I one day walked out because I couldn’t take the mistreatment from my boss any longer. I left and went to a popular strip club and applied to be a waitress. I was told that they were only hiring dancers at the time so I applied to dance and started a few days later with no experience at all. I have worked as a dancer for about 4 years now. It helped me become completely independent as a single mom and the flexible schedule has made it possible to spend a lot of time with my daughter. This is not me recommending that anyone become a dancer without doing proper research first!! It can be a rough environment so it’s important to be prepared. The stripper subreddit on Reddit is a good resource.

Thank you for candidly sharing. What are some lessons you’ve learned on this path?

Being a dancer really requires a lot of self care. Therapy plays a big role in that self care for me. I had a cognitive behavioral therapist that I would speak to weekly when I first started working. She would help me navigate the emotions I felt from my work. She helped me learn how to establish boundaries properly and that has been such a game changer for my entire life. Setting boundaries for yourself is so important and it used to be hard for me to do because I used to be a people pleaser. I really believe she helped rewire my brain! She helped me to acknowledge some of my behaviors that were self destructive, understand where they stemmed from, and learn healthy coping strategies.

Follow her on IG: @___fembot